An ATM run is a ritual everyone of us does at least once a week.
Everyone has their favorite time to visit the ATM. Personally, I prefer going just before midnight to withdraw the cash I’ll use the next day. This is because at that time, my chances of finding other people there are extremely low. I can make my withdrawal in peace, and I especially love the walk back home with the cool night breeze in my face and the beautiful night sky to admire.
But of course in life, we can’t always have things go our way. Maybe you forgot to make the run at your favorite time, or something really important came up and the cash on you just wasn’t enough. There’s always that one day that you’ll get stuck in a long frustrating queue that seems to take forever to move.
I’ve had those days one too many, and I’ve come to study the different kind of people you meet at the ATM.
The first that comes to mind is The Whistler. This is the guy standing right behind you and for whatever reason, he’s having such a good time. No problemo. But then he starts whistling in your ears. You feel like a caveman is engraving the picture of the elephant he just caught right into your skull.
You’re thinking, What the hell is this guy’s problem?!
The Whistler’s retarded adopted-cousin is even more annoying. He is The Rapper. This guy can be standing anywhere on the line and he’d still be annoying. He is the guy with the iPod listening to a rap song and every now and then shouting a word or or two from the song very loudly. Every time he says something, you turn to look, and then you feel like a dumb ass for turning.
You’re thinking, Dude, please save that awful voice for karaoke night!
Then there are The Gossip Girls. These girls are right in front of you. One is telling the other what ugly dress so-and-so wore, at the same time the other is telling her who hooked up with who. You just stand there admiring how these girls can share so much information at such supersonic speed. But at the same time, you have that sudden urge to gag them. And…
You’re just thinking, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
And then there’s The Wiseguy. This guy thinks he’s so smooth. He approaches the queue like he’s just a passerby, and the next thing you know, he’s in front of the line trying to withdraw from the machine. You just stay there with your mouth open and wonder why no one said anything. Maybe he was there all along, you tell yourself.
But deep down, you know he’s just a lucky son of a bitch!
It’s not until you approach the front of the line that you meet The Wiseguy’s long distance half-sister, The C-Pusher, who is similar him. But unlike him, she approaches you with big sad pretty eyes like Puss in Boots. She shows a little cleavage and pushes her chest forward, regardless of what’s there, and tells you some bullshit story about why she’s in a hurry. You know she’s lying, and she knows that you know. But you don’t want to appear like an unsympathetic asshole, so you give her a pass.
You’re just thinking… Bitches Be Crazy!
And just when you though it’s all over, you meet The Accountant. The Accountant is the guy that uses the ATM right before you. This guy takes forever to withdraw money. He checks his account balance, tallies it to his expenses and then balances everything to see his returns.
You’re standing there ten minutes waiting, and you’re thinking, Somebody needs to get this guy a fuckin’ job!
After everything is said and done, you walk in confidently to the machine and insert your card into the ATM. But you see a message that says the ATM is out of small notes and can only dispense 50s and 100s. Your account balance is just short of 50.
You just stand there not knowing what the hell you’re going to do. The guy behind you thinks you’re The Accountant type and curses you several times under his breath. It’s at that moment that you start thinking maybe it’s karma from all the bad things you said about those people.
But then you don’t believe in Karma, so you say, Fuck the ATM people, and you blame them for taking all the small notes.
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