Archive for the 'Thoughts' Category

Fashion, Relationships & Stupid People

Warning: Some people may find this offensive. Reader discretion is advised!

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“No, fashion is for ladies. I want a universal theme, something both sexes will enjoy reading”

I know, embarrassing as fuck! That was my editor. I threw up in my mouth when he said that. I wanted to bitch-slap him back to reality and tell him how fucking stupid he was. But when he told another guy to go write a piece about a lame-ass online multi-player game that nobody gives a shit about, I just felt sorry for the poor bastard. I wanted to give him a big hug, like he was my retarded half-cousin.

I wonder how this poor model will feel when he’s told that male fashion is like the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.

It’s like a friend of mine once said; smart is a dying breed. She was complaining about how claustrophobic she felt in a sea of stupid people.

At that time, I just smiled and told her to stop being such an arrogant snob. But with people like my dear editor, and the idiots that thought “Meet the Spartans” was one of the funniest movies of all time, I find myself very scared of the future.

If in 2008, people are enjoying the shit out of movies like Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie, then come 2050, we’re going to have an Idiocracy like future. Just wait till a studio executive somewhere comes up with “Ass: The Movie”.

The thought of my kids and grandkids living in a future like that just sends cold chills down my spine.

A friend of mine got dumped a while ago. He got ill. Yes I’ve been dumped before, and yes it wasn’t pretty. One thing I didn’t do was fall sick for the “attention”.

OK I’m not saying that’s what he did, but the timing was a little too perfect don’t you think? Also, the fact that he called his ex’s best friend to tell her he was ill didn’t help.

Is there a BIG picture here? Because I don’t see it. What was his plan? Fall sick and guilt the poor girl into taking him back? He must be pretty fucking stupid if he thought for one second that could work. But if it had worked, then they’re both fucking stupid!

Can you imagine the uber-stupid kids they’ll bring into this world? I most definitely won’t want them to mingle with my kids. Maybe I’ll make all potential partners of my kids take IQ tests.

On a second thought, fuck IQ tests!

Another friend of mine wrote a blog preaching and advocating single life. I always get a kick out of reading blogs and write-ups about how awesome single life is.

His started so well, that is until I got to one of his reasons for being single – waiting for the “perfect girl”. His words, not mine. I swear I didn’t make this shit up!

Once upon a time, only 8 year old girls dream of being with the perfect guy and living happily ever after. What’s interesting is that even the 8 year olds have the good sense to only “dream”.

What is this world turning into? I wonder if guys will start having periods very soon. That’ll be about the time I’ll make my final trip to Japan to visit the suicide mountains.

Although I do agree with some of his other reasons, like the freedom and the ability to do whatever, I think the issue of freedom, or lack of it in a relationship is highly overrated.

Be gay, asexual or promiscuous… I don’t care. Hell you can even choose to wait for your little Miss Perfect or Prince Charming… I’ll pity your ignorance, but I won’t fucking care!

What I hate is people preaching their opinions. Say what you want, it’s a free world. Yes. But if you shove that shit down my throat, I’m going to take a huge dump and shove your face into it. That’s gross, but you get my point.

This are just some of the few things on my mind right now. It’s not much, but I feel I haven’t updated in a while so what the hell. If you found this offensive, well, FUCK YOU! I warned you didn’t I?

PS: This post was intentionally written in dick/asshole mode as a homage to one of my favorite bloggers, Maddox. No disrespect to my friends, I love you all 🙂

ATM People

An ATM run is a ritual everyone of us does at least once a week.

Everyone has their favorite time to visit the ATM. Personally, I prefer going just before midnight to withdraw the cash I’ll use the next day. This is because at that time, my chances of finding other people there are extremely low. I can make my withdrawal in peace, and I especially love the walk back home with the cool night breeze in my face and the beautiful night sky to admire.

But of course in life, we can’t always have things go our way. Maybe you forgot to make the run at your favorite time, or something really important came up and the cash on you just wasn’t enough. There’s always that one day that you’ll get stuck in a long frustrating queue that seems to take forever to move.

I’ve had those days one too many, and I’ve come to study the different kind of people you meet at the ATM.

The first that comes to mind is The Whistler. This is the guy standing right behind you and for whatever reason, he’s having such a good time. No problemo. But then he starts whistling in your ears. You feel like a caveman is engraving the picture of the elephant he just caught right into your skull.

You’re thinking, What the hell is this guy’s problem?!

The Whistler’s retarded adopted-cousin is even more annoying. He is The Rapper. This guy can be standing anywhere on the line and he’d still be annoying. He is the guy with the iPod listening to a rap song and every now and then shouting a word or or two from the song very loudly. Every time he says something, you turn to look, and then you feel like a dumb ass for turning.

You’re thinking, Dude, please save that awful voice for karaoke night!

Then there are The Gossip Girls. These girls are right in front of you. One is telling the other what ugly dress so-and-so wore, at the same time the other is telling her who hooked up with who. You just stand there admiring how these girls can share so much information at such supersonic speed. But at the same time, you have that sudden urge to gag them. And…

You’re just thinking, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And then there’s The Wiseguy. This guy thinks he’s so smooth. He approaches the queue like he’s just a passerby, and the next thing you know, he’s in front of the line trying to withdraw from the machine. You just stay there with your mouth open and wonder why no one said anything. Maybe he was there all along, you tell yourself.

But deep down, you know he’s just a lucky son of a bitch!

It’s not until you approach the front of the line that you meet The Wiseguy’s long distance half-sister, The C-Pusher, who is similar him. But unlike him, she approaches you with big sad pretty eyes like Puss in Boots. She shows a little cleavage and pushes her chest forward, regardless of what’s there, and tells you some bullshit story about why she’s in a hurry. You know she’s lying, and she knows that you know. But you don’t want to appear like an unsympathetic asshole, so you give her a pass.

You’re just thinking… Bitches Be Crazy!

And just when you though it’s all over, you meet The Accountant. The Accountant is the guy that uses the ATM right before you. This guy takes forever to withdraw money. He checks his account balance, tallies it to his expenses and then balances everything to see his returns.

You’re standing there ten minutes waiting, and you’re thinking, Somebody needs to get this guy a fuckin’ job!

After everything is said and done, you walk in confidently to the machine and insert your card into the ATM. But you see a message that says the ATM is out of small notes and can only dispense 50s and 100s. Your account balance is just short of 50.

You just stand there not knowing what the hell you’re going to do. The guy behind you thinks you’re The Accountant type and curses you several times under his breath. It’s at that moment that you start thinking maybe it’s karma from all the bad things you said about those people.

But then you don’t believe in Karma, so you say, Fuck the ATM people, and you blame them for taking all the small notes.