Posts Tagged 'breakup'

Thoughts in the Men’s Room

There was no one in the men’s room when I walked in. At the sink, I looked at my reflection in the mirror; my face was dripping wet with sweat. The slightest dementia would have caused me to believe that I had poured a bucket of water on my head.

I left home in a hurry, tying my shoelace inside the elevator. I ran, the minute the elevator door opened, and then ran some more till I got to the school entrance. From there, I walked in a hurry, pushing past people as I made my way to the bank.

By the time I reached the ATM 10 minutes later, I was sweating like crazy. I couldn’t see properly because my sunglasses were covered in sweat. I wiped over them with kleenex from my back pocket. The neck and back regions of my T-shirt were soaked wet, and inside, I felt like an overheated engine furiously expelling hot steam. It was the equivalent of stepping out of a hot shower and immediately putting on cotton without toweling dry.

See also: Getting soaked in the rain.

See also: Taking a dip in the swimming pool fully clothed.

The tap at the sink is the kind you press at the top to get working. I pressed with one hand and collected the water in the other. Almost immediately, I splash the water on my face with both hands washing in a clockwise motion. Washing your face with this kind of press-stop tap requires skill.

The ATM makes that sound it makes when it’s counting your money. I always welcome this sound, especially when I use the ATM machine of another bank. It’s like music to my ears, because I know I’m going to get my money.

See also: Pavlov’s dog experiment.

See also: Classical Conditioning.

The machine opens up, and I take my money.

Almost immediately, I turned and started walking. Next stop, the men’s room.

“Freshen up” isn’t the right phrase, but it was the first that came to mind.

It was in that sorry state that I saw her. She was with some random guy that I neither knew, nor had any intentions of knowing. She was wearing a tee and skinny jeans, like she always does, with both eyes glued to her phone screen – texting.

I call her Ceey, because that’s short for her real name. We went out a few months back, and to say it ended really badly, will be a gross understatement.

She hasn’t seen you yet. Turn, take another route. I told myself.

“Al, are you balding?”, she said with a mischievous smile on her lips, “But it wasn’t that long since I last saw you”.

You just know this girl is evil from looking at her face.

“Oh no it was long alright”, I said. “Because I clearly remember the last time I saw you, you weren’t this pregnant”

Stop this stupid dialogue in your head, I told myself. Turn, run, she hasn’t seen you yet.

And I was just about to turn when I heard her voice. Hey Al, How have you been doing.

I looked at her. She was smiling. You could tell the smile was insincere because only her lips smiled.

See also: The clown from Stephen King’s It.

See also: The serial killer from Scary Movie.

I told her I was great.

“You’re sweating a lot”, she said.

Looking at the mirror over the sink in the men’s room, I say, Am I? Gee, thanks captain obvious.

I then poured more water in my face.

I told her I ran, hence the sweat.

I poured water on my face one last time before walking over to the drier. It was broken. There was a box of brown toilet paper by the side. I took one, hoping it was brown only because it’s recycled paper.

The guy that was with Ceey handed me a can of ice-cold grape juice. What’s this guy’s deal. No thank you, I told him. The ass insisted. I told him no, I’m cool. He said I wasn’t cool because I was sweating. Nobody likes a smart-ass. What would Jesus not do? I told him to bugger off because I don’t like him and I think he smells like poo.

For some reason, he took that personal.

Cool air hit my fresh moist face as I stepped out of the men’s room. I smiled, and wondered if all that I thought might have happened, would have actually happened, had I not cowardly snuck past them without saying a word.

I know there’s a 50% chance she would have been nice. But if she’s not, there’s a 100% chance she would have been much worse.

I was never good at statistics.

mensroom

Fashion, Relationships & Stupid People

Warning: Some people may find this offensive. Reader discretion is advised!

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“No, fashion is for ladies. I want a universal theme, something both sexes will enjoy reading”

I know, embarrassing as fuck! That was my editor. I threw up in my mouth when he said that. I wanted to bitch-slap him back to reality and tell him how fucking stupid he was. But when he told another guy to go write a piece about a lame-ass online multi-player game that nobody gives a shit about, I just felt sorry for the poor bastard. I wanted to give him a big hug, like he was my retarded half-cousin.

I wonder how this poor model will feel when he’s told that male fashion is like the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.

It’s like a friend of mine once said; smart is a dying breed. She was complaining about how claustrophobic she felt in a sea of stupid people.

At that time, I just smiled and told her to stop being such an arrogant snob. But with people like my dear editor, and the idiots that thought “Meet the Spartans” was one of the funniest movies of all time, I find myself very scared of the future.

If in 2008, people are enjoying the shit out of movies like Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie, then come 2050, we’re going to have an Idiocracy like future. Just wait till a studio executive somewhere comes up with “Ass: The Movie”.

The thought of my kids and grandkids living in a future like that just sends cold chills down my spine.

A friend of mine got dumped a while ago. He got ill. Yes I’ve been dumped before, and yes it wasn’t pretty. One thing I didn’t do was fall sick for the “attention”.

OK I’m not saying that’s what he did, but the timing was a little too perfect don’t you think? Also, the fact that he called his ex’s best friend to tell her he was ill didn’t help.

Is there a BIG picture here? Because I don’t see it. What was his plan? Fall sick and guilt the poor girl into taking him back? He must be pretty fucking stupid if he thought for one second that could work. But if it had worked, then they’re both fucking stupid!

Can you imagine the uber-stupid kids they’ll bring into this world? I most definitely won’t want them to mingle with my kids. Maybe I’ll make all potential partners of my kids take IQ tests.

On a second thought, fuck IQ tests!

Another friend of mine wrote a blog preaching and advocating single life. I always get a kick out of reading blogs and write-ups about how awesome single life is.

His started so well, that is until I got to one of his reasons for being single – waiting for the “perfect girl”. His words, not mine. I swear I didn’t make this shit up!

Once upon a time, only 8 year old girls dream of being with the perfect guy and living happily ever after. What’s interesting is that even the 8 year olds have the good sense to only “dream”.

What is this world turning into? I wonder if guys will start having periods very soon. That’ll be about the time I’ll make my final trip to Japan to visit the suicide mountains.

Although I do agree with some of his other reasons, like the freedom and the ability to do whatever, I think the issue of freedom, or lack of it in a relationship is highly overrated.

Be gay, asexual or promiscuous… I don’t care. Hell you can even choose to wait for your little Miss Perfect or Prince Charming… I’ll pity your ignorance, but I won’t fucking care!

What I hate is people preaching their opinions. Say what you want, it’s a free world. Yes. But if you shove that shit down my throat, I’m going to take a huge dump and shove your face into it. That’s gross, but you get my point.

This are just some of the few things on my mind right now. It’s not much, but I feel I haven’t updated in a while so what the hell. If you found this offensive, well, FUCK YOU! I warned you didn’t I?

PS: This post was intentionally written in dick/asshole mode as a homage to one of my favorite bloggers, Maddox. No disrespect to my friends, I love you all 🙂

EC – Uncerainties III

This is the third part of my Uncertainties series, if you haven’t read the first part, it’s here, and the second part here.

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Ahmed sat by the fireplace covered in the fuzzy warm blanket Mariam gave him. He was having mixed feelings about seeing Mariam.

Ahmed had been was hoping to find Mariam ill or something, so he could find an excuse for her not returning his calls. On one hand, he was glad that she’s good and fine, and on the other –

“So… Ahmed, to what do I owe this late-night-rainy-out-of-the-blue visit ?”, Mariam said, interrupting his thoughts.

Ahmed was part confused, part surprised. He could not believe what he had just heard. So he asked,

“Excuse me?”

“I said, what brought you to my place in the rain at this time of the night”, she was trying not to sound rude.

His surprise slowly turned into anger. He couldn’t believe that his girlfriend, was trying to throw him out. She didn’t answer his calls, didn’t call him back, and now this? Maybe she was really cheating. The feeling of anger and betrayal was in his eyes,

“I called you several time, and when you didn’t call as you promised… I was just worried!”, it was hard trying to sound cool in a situation like that.

“What call?”, Mariam had no idea what Ahmed was talking about.

“You said you’ll call me, remember? And I called you three times after that, all went straight to voice mail”

“Really? I didn’t even know that you have my number”, she said.

Ahmed could not conceal his anger anymore. If Mariam was playing a game, he didn’t like it anymore.

“Of course I have your number. I’m your boyfriend, duh!”, he was angry. He knew it, and she knew it.

Mariam was confused more than ever. Thoughts started running through her mind. She started thinking of Aliyu, and all the problems she had with him, and her father. Oh, her father that she hasn’t spoken to in 3 months while living in the same house…

Maybe it was the anti-depressants recommended by her psychiatrist, or the occasional weed she puffs to keep with her very dysfunctional family. Yes, everyone in her family was either stupid, greedy, paranoid, crazy or a combination of any or all of those.

To find out what’s happening, she needed to know, and to know, she needed to ask. So she asked,

“You dumped me 3 years ago on my birthday Ahmed and never called me since, so what the hell are you talking about?”